Dear President Bashar al Assad

I want to take this opportunity to thank you for all the good you are doing for Syria and the rest of the world, in spite of incredible odds.

As you know, we in the West don’t like Muslims. So thank you for killing so much of them in the past several months.

Thank you particularly for eliminating that little two year old boy, whose death was reported by journalist Marie Colvin on Tuesday, in one of her last reports.

And special thanks for putting an end to that interfering western woman’s reporting. No one will miss her silly, sentimental, female reportage.

“His little tummy just kept heaving until he died”, she reported of a two year old boy, supposedly killed by a shrapnel wound to his chest.

What on earth was she thinking of? Who in the West cares about that?

Who in the West is going to miss some little Muslim brat?

He would probably have grown up to be a terrorist anyway, right?

Just another trouble-maker like the ones whose lying terrorist lives you are now so admirably “snuffing out”.

Everybody knows you are the lawful and rightful leader of Syria: just like Iran’s Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

All right thinking people know that you are a true servant of Allah, doing his will in the world.

I thank God for your Russian and Chinese friends, who defend your divine appointment.

And I thank Dmitri Medvedev and Vladimir Putin for ensuring tat you have the weapons you need to fight those nasty insurgents.

Nothing like Russian mortars for accuracy, eh?

Keep fighting the good fight. Keep up the good work!