A small boy named Wally lived in Punchbowl, a suburb in South Western Sydney.
None of his classmates liked him because of his gross stupidity, especially his teacher, who was always yelling at
him, “You are driving me mad Wally”.
None of his classmates liked him because of his gross stupidity, especially his teacher, who was always yelling at
him, “You are driving me mad Wally”.
One evening, during a parent and teacher interview, the teacher told his mother honestly, that her son is simply
a disaster, getting very low marks and she had never taught such a dumb boy in her entire teaching career.
Wally’s mum was so crushed at the teacher’s perception of her son’s lack of intelligence that she withdrew him
from the school and even moved out of Sydney, North of Newcastle.
a disaster, getting very low marks and she had never taught such a dumb boy in her entire teaching career.
Wally’s mum was so crushed at the teacher’s perception of her son’s lack of intelligence that she withdrew him
from the school and even moved out of Sydney, North of Newcastle.
Wally’s mother never lost faith in her son and she reasoned that a mother’s love and a fresh start would allow
Wally’s full potential to be realised. Her dedication and prayers would overcome all she reasoned, and bring the
success that her son so richly deserved.
Wally’s full potential to be realised. Her dedication and prayers would overcome all she reasoned, and bring the
success that her son so richly deserved.
Some 25 years later, after a long illness, the teacher was diagnosed with an incurable form of cardiovascular disease.
A number of attending Cardiologists all strongly advised her to have corrective heart surgery.
There was only one surgeon in Australia trained in the technique and able at that time to perform it.
Left with no other options and deteriorating health, the teacher decided to have the operation, which was successful.
When she opened her eyes post operatively she saw a handsome doctor smiling down at her while noting her radial pulse. Overcome with gratitude, she wanted to thank him but she could not talk.
She was becoming increasingly dyspnoeic and then deeply cyanosed before the doctor’s very eyes.
Her face and tongue now blue, she raised her tremulous hand, trying desperately to tell him something but she suddenly collapsed and was unable to be resuscitated.
The doctor was now distraught and frantically trying to work out what went wrong, when he turned around he saw our friend Wally, working as a cleaner in the recovery ward, who had unplugged the oxygen equipment to connect his floor polisher.
A number of attending Cardiologists all strongly advised her to have corrective heart surgery.
There was only one surgeon in Australia trained in the technique and able at that time to perform it.
Left with no other options and deteriorating health, the teacher decided to have the operation, which was successful.
When she opened her eyes post operatively she saw a handsome doctor smiling down at her while noting her radial pulse. Overcome with gratitude, she wanted to thank him but she could not talk.
She was becoming increasingly dyspnoeic and then deeply cyanosed before the doctor’s very eyes.
Her face and tongue now blue, she raised her tremulous hand, trying desperately to tell him something but she suddenly collapsed and was unable to be resuscitated.
The doctor was now distraught and frantically trying to work out what went wrong, when he turned around he saw our friend Wally, working as a cleaner in the recovery ward, who had unplugged the oxygen equipment to connect his floor polisher.
Don’t tell me you thought that Wally became a heart-surgeon?
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How To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity in retirement.
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars…watch ’em Slow Down!
2. On all your cheque stubs, write ‘For Marijuana’!
3. Skip down the street Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.
4. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
5. Sing Along At The Opera.
6. When The Money Comes Out of The ATM, Scream ‘I Won! I Won!’
7. When Leaving the Zoo, start Running towards the Car Park, Yelling ‘Run For Your Lives! They’re Loose!’
8. Tell Your Children over dinner: ‘Due to the economy,we are going to have to let one of you go…
9. PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY, GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WHERE THE FITTING ROOM IS.
And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity: my favorite.
10. Go to a large Department store’s fitting room, drop your drawers to your ankles and yell out: “THERE IS NO PAPER IN HERE”!
Send This E-mail To Someone To Make Them Smile. It’s called “THERAPY” !!!!!
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Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself,’Lillian, you should have remained a virgin..’
– Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
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I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: – ‘No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.’
– Eleanor Roosevelt
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Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement..
– Mark Twain
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The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible
– George Burns
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Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
– Victor Borge
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Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
– Mark Twain
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By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
– Socrates
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
– Groucho Marx
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My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
– Jimmy Durante
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I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
– Zsa Zsa Gabor
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Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
– Alex Levine
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My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
– Rodney Dangerfield
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Money can’t buy you happiness …. But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
– Spike Milligan
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Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP .
– Joe Namath
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I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap.
– Bob Hope
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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it..
– W. C. Fields
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We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
– Will Rogers
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Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
– Winston Churchill
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Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out..
– Phyllis Diller
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By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere.
– Billy Crystal
And the cardiologist’s diet: – If it tastes good spit it out.
BY ANDY BOROWITZ
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Former Vice-President Dick Cheney on Tuesday called upon the nations of the world to “once and for all ban the despicable and heinous practice of publishing torture reports.”
“Like many Americans, I was shocked and disgusted by the Senate Intelligence Committee’s publication of a torture report today,” Cheney said in a prepared statement. “The transparency and honesty found in this report represent a gross violation of our nation’s values.”
“The publication of torture reports is a crime against all of us,” he added. “Not just those of us who have tortured in the past, but every one of us who might want to torture in the future.”
Saying that the Senate’s “horrifying publication” had inspired him to act, he vowed, “As long as I have air to breathe, I will do everything in my power to wipe out the scourge of torture reports from the face of the Earth.”
Cheney concluded his statement by calling for an international conference on the issue of torture reports. “I ask all the great nations of the world to stand up, expose the horrible practice of publishing torture reports, and say, ‘This is not who we are,’ ” Cheney said.
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Old but still good : Stephen Colbert’s got a little investigating to do in the world of pizza delivery and porn-star republicans (Sept 7 2012)
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