and watch this one / Bill Maher takes on Obama
Creates Social Network for Waterboarding Fans
In his most aggressive public relations move since leaving office, former Vice President Dick Cheney today established a Facebook page for fans of torture.
In recent weeks, Mr. Cheney has been speaking out in praise of such controversial interrogation tactics as waterboarding, but in establishing his Facebook page the vice president seems to be attempting something far more amibitious: creating a social network for torture fans everywhere.
“This is a place where fans of waterboarding can meet, chat, and yes, hook up,” Mr. Cheney told Fox News host Sean Hannity last night.
The former vice president extolled his torture fan page as a dating site, telling Mr. Hannity, “This way when you go out on a date with somebody you know going in how he or she feels about waterboarding. I think that’s important in building a long-term and hopefully loving relationship. It’s certainly something Lynne and I share.”
But based on the tepid early response to Mr. Cheney’s torture fan page – only he and his wife Lynne have signed up to date – the vice-president may face obstacles in creating a social network of waterboarding fans.
“I can’t think of a creepier place to hook up with someone than a site that Dick Cheney is involved in,” said Tracy Klugian, 27, of Madison, Wisconsin. “I’d feel like someone was always watching me.”
At the White House, Vice President Joe Biden was harshly critical of his predecessor’s remarks on torture, telling reporters, “Dick Cheney had eight years to run his mouth without thinking. That’s my job now.”
from Borowitz
Artist’s Comments
As if putting 1.5 million people at risk of starvation was not enough, Israel weighed a brutal attack on Gaza, killing more than 1000 people, including women and children. Once again I beg you reader, my brothers and sisters-in-arts, to spread these cartoons. Reproduce them in posters, newspapers, magazines, zines, blogs, everywhere. Let’s make the voice of the Gaza people to be heard all around the world. Thank you, in the name of the Palestinians of Gaza.
Legendary Swindler Pressed into Service
The Obama administration, hoping to find investors to buy $1 trillion worth of so-called “toxic” assets from U.S. financial institutions, has turned to confessed swindler Bernie Madoff to mastermind the sales campaign.
While White House officials acknowledged that joining forces with the jail-bound scam artist was likely to raise some eyebrows, privately they are hoping that when it comes to selling bad assets to investors, the “Madoff magic” will carry the day.
“Desperate times call for desperate measures,” White House chief of staff Rahm Emanuel said on CNN last night. “If anyone can convince investors to buy a worthless piece of paper, it’s Bernie Madoff.”
Under the unusual arrangement, Mr. Madoff will be temporarily sprung from his prison cell and permitted to have meetings with prospective investors to sell them on American financial institutions’ $1 trillion worth of bad assets, accompanied by a phalanx of armed guards.
“The guards wanted to bring dogs along to chase Madoff if he tries to make a run for it, but we felt that would undercut his credibility with investors,” Mr. Emanuel said.
The chief of staff added that having Mr. Madoff spearhead the sale of toxic assets would free up Mr. Obama for more pressing matters, “like appearing on Jimmy Kimmel Live.”
In other economic news, Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner said he would raise much-needed capital for the U.S. Treasury by accepting billboard advertising on his forehead.
SOURCE
Tuesday, 10 February 2009
Oy, now that the voters in Isroel have realised it is not really Jewish to be left, our ratalachs are patroling all over the land to make sure that there are no remaining farblongjid leftniks.
Nu shoin, the Left is for luftmenschen. We do not like to share. We much prefer to take and take, and never to give back.
But look at our beautiful sons of Yisrael with their lichticheh punims, Bibi’le, Avigdor’le and Barak’le. This is what Auntie calls a bunch of proper glat Kosher butchers.
When they are on patrol together, I can feel in my kishkas that our corridor for Yiddishe redemption is just around the corner.
United Against the Left
Farblongjid (far-blunge-jed) – completely lost and confused, either in one’s head or on the ground. “God forbid you should ask for directions! Now we’re completely farblongjid!”
Glat – smooth, flawless, the way it’s done in kosher abbattoirs.
Kishka – guts, intestines. “I was so upset, I was eating my kishkas out!”
Lichticheh punims (lich-tich-eh) literally, “lit up.” Happy, shining, radiant, beaming. A big smiling face is a lichticheh punim.
Luftmensch – an “air man”, a space cadet, someone with their head in the clouds, someone who dreams big but never acts.
Posted by Auntie Ziona at 1:29 PM
From correspondents in Paris
Agence France-Presse
December 17, 2008 05:07am
FOLLOWING in the footsteps of the Iraqi journalist who hurled his shoes at US President George W. Bush, anyone can take a virtual swipe at the US leader on the internet thanks to a new game.
The aim of Sock and Awe (www.sockandawe.com), launched by Britain’s Alex Tew, is to knock Mr Bush out with a shoe, a feat already attained by 1.4 million players, according to the website today.
Aptly named after the US “Shock and Awe” military campaign to knock out Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein, the game gives players 30 seconds to aim at a figure of Bush ducking behind a rostrum.
It was in protest against the Bush administration’s Iraqi policy that journalist Durgham Zaidi threw both his shoes at the outgoing president on Monday during his swansong visit to the battleground.
The action won Zaidi widespread plaudits in the Arab world where Mr Bush’s policies have drawn broad hostility.
Mr Tew, 24, drew world attention with his “milliondollarhomepage.com”, a website he conceived when 21 to help raise money for his university education by selling off pixels at a dollar a piece.
Zaidi, who was taken into custody after the Baghdad incident, has a broken arm and ribs after being struck by security agents, his brother said.
McCain: Obama Lacks Experience Running 5,000-Person Town in Alaska
Extolls Veep Pick’s Qualifications
Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz) used the announcement of his vice-presidential pick, Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, to blast the experience of his Democratic rival, Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill), arguing that Sen. Obama has never been the mayor of a 5,000-person town.
“The Presidency of the United States of America is the toughest job on the planet,” Sen. McCain said. “And my friends, the best testing ground for that job is being the mayor of a 5,000-person town in Alaska.”
Sen. McCain unleashed a savage attack on Sen. Obama, claiming that his Democratic opponent would be “at a loss” when faced with the challenges of running a 5000-person municipality in Alaska.
“Let’s say a constituent calls you and says that a caribou has wandered onto his front lawn,” he said. “My friends, Barack Obama wouldn’t know what to do.”
He used the hypothetical situation to draw a sharp contrast with his vice-presidential choice: “Sarah Palin would take out her gun and shoot the caribou.”
Mr. McCain said that an understanding of foreign affairs, Congress, and other issues that a president has to deal with is “overrated,” adding, “That’s what ‘Presidency for Dummies’ is for.”
While saying that her “vast experience” was the main reason he selected Gov. Palin, Sen. McCain said that she also had the other three qualifications he was looking for in a vice president: “She is pro-life, pro-drilling, and willing to housesit.”
Will Spend Five Days at Key Sites
Straight from Borowitz
In a daring bid to wrench attention from his Democratic rival in the 2008 presidential race, Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) today embarked on an historic first-ever visit to the Internet.
Given that the Arizona Republican had never logged onto the Internet before, advisors acknowledged that his first visit to the World Wide Web was fraught with risk.
But with his Democratic rival Barack Obama making headlines with his tour of the Middle East and Europe, the McCain campaign felt that they needed to “come up with something equally bold for John to do,” according to one advisor.
McCain aides said that the senator’s journey to the Internet will span five days and will take him to such far-flung sites as Amazon.com, eBay and Facebook.
With a press retinue watching, Sen. McCain logged onto the Internet at 9:00 AM Sunday, paying his first-ever visit ever to Mapquest.com.
“I can’t get this [expletive] thing to work,” Sen. McCain said as he struggled with his computer’s mouse, causing his wife Cindy to prompt him to add that he was “just kidding.”
Having pronounced his visit to Mapquest a success, Sen. McCain continued his tour by visiting Weather.com and Yahoo! Answers, where he inquired as to the difference between Sunnis and Shiites.
Sen. McCain said that he had embarked on his visit to the Internet to allay any fears that he is too out-of-touch to be president, adding that he plans to take additional steps to demonstrate that he is comfortable with today’s technology: “In the days and weeks ahead, you will be seeing me rock out with my new Walkman.”
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